StaciaaicatS

Remember November

2010-05-22T13:59:00.000-07:00

Recently, I've been hearing an ad on the radio which contains the admonition to "Remember November." (I.E. VOTE PEOPLE!!!). That particular rhyme reminds me of another country's poem, and so, naturally, was born the following parody:

Remember remember, the secon'a November,

The ballot box, voting. You ought!

I see no reason

Why tea party season

Should ever be forgot!

Vote ‘em out! Vote ‘em out! For their intents

Shall do little good o’er the continents.

Restore the house, the Senate renew,

And make sure the Dems are overthrew!

By God’s Providence they’ll go out,

With their dangerous plans and the myths they all spout!

Holla boys, Holla boys, liberty bring,

Holla boys, Holla boys, let freedom ring!

May the English forgive me!

Happy Mothers' Day!

2010-05-09T16:48:00.000-07:00

Hmmm, it's been almost a year since I posted...not that many follow this blog anyway. :) I think that's probably why I never post; it's like talking into a void. This, however, is a special occasion. :) It's Mothers' Day!

Hence, since I'm in a jingling mood, the following are for my Mother, first and foremost, but also to my grandmothers and adopted grandmothers (living and not), and also to all who have mothered me, which would make a hefty list....

With piles of gross clothes always growing,

And children with tears ever flowing,

They vanquish all foes,

(and bandage the toes),

Moms’ spirit of sacrifice showing.

Nurse in the night,

Chauffer all the day,

Chef every meal,

Teacher all times,

Vacuum and wash

Sweeper and more,

Seamstress at times

Counsellor often,

Patience with love,

Caring and kind,

She’s always there

Giving her best.

Her laugh has always lightened my day,

Her time spent with me is more precious than gold,

I love how often she smiles at Dad,

I treasure each hour of schooling I’ve had.

Hmmm, poet? No

..but I am having fun! :)

I love you, Mom!

And thank you to all the moms in my life!

Buffy...

2009-06-18T21:55:00.000-07:00

It's always important to pick a new addiction every new semester. You don't have to keep them for very long, but it helps you through finals week. =)

This last semester I started two new addictions (have to help senoritis too, ya know =)). The first was buying Berry Cool frozen yogurt every day after school (yum!). The second was watching episode after episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

The first addiction had to stop because, well, Fresno has no Berry Cool. The second has continued. =)

I've now gotten my brother hooked as well, although my parents aren't quite so keen on it The different generations have a lot to do with it. I think it takes some deep understanding of the teen/college life in the last decade in order to get how encouraging and beautiful Buffy is... This would explain why Dr. Reynolds is a fan, yet my parents have been left out of the loop...

Relative time...

2009-06-07T18:30:00.000-07:00

I feel like I don't really need Einstein's proofs to tell me that time is relative. Last thing I knew I was beginning a post in the midst of finals week to say that I was finally done with all the work for my B.A. degree, now it's been three weeks, and I'm starting my first "permanent" job in the "real" world.

Not that it's that different from any other jobs that I've had.... ;) Same boss, same place, just for longer time...

But how can three weeks go by so fast?

For that matter, how can four years go by so fast?

During that finals week that feels like it was a few minutes ago, I kept wondering if I was suddenly going to wake up on the second floor of Alpha Chi as a freshman from a dream that I had gone to Oxford, and finished my degree. I haven't yet, I don't want to, but can four years really have passed?

Time used to be so slow, first I lived each and every minute, then every hour, then every day, then week, then month. About that time I was 15. And after that 16. Then 18, then 22. At this rate, I'm going to be 30 tomorrow, 46 the day after that, 78 after that and then I guess I'll be dead since not many live to 144....not even Bilbo. Hmmmm, four "days" left to live...here goes! =)

Really, I'm not trying to be morbid, after 78 I think I'll be glad to go to "that undiscovered country from whose bourn no traveller returned" despite "what dreams may come" I'm not sure I'd like to go right now though, and definitely not at my own hand. If I could die for a good cause though....I'd be willing. I'm just here to live well, and that can be accomplished by dying well. Glorify God and enjoy Him forever....=)

While I'm on the topic...it really disturbs me how much American culture in general hates to talk about death. All science seems to want to do is try to put it off, but really, isn't health dying at the slowest rate possible? (that's not me, but I can't remember who said it). Why does the media tell us that the best time of life is from about 16 to 29? That's awful!!!! And I desperately hope it's not true. (BTW, this is one of the best things about Buffy the Vampire Slayer...Josh Whedon understands that growing older really should mean growing better, and not decaying). Death is no longer decay, but life, and growing older is not failing but growing closer to true youth. What twisted person would every want to actually relive their youth??? Maybe I didn't enjoy 16 like I "should" have, but that was because I _was_ 16....so I certainly wouldn't go back.

Time is relative, it moves more any more swiftly as one gets closer to its telos, but that isn't a bad thing. I'm with Augustine, this whole time thing is pretty painful in the first place, how much better to just be done with it.... restless until....

Four days left to live? I can't wait!!! =) Lord, help me to live them well....

As I thought just a few days ago at around 16,

"Until thou wilt that I should die, please let my life thee glorify!"

Metathon!

2009-05-05T18:14:00.000-07:00

So, my goal is Marathon...but for now, I've done Metathon!!!!

Sitting with a group of other students talking about Plato made for one of the most awesome weekends I have ever had. The worst part was when I had to leave earlier than I wished on Sunday because I had a paper for another class to write (you just can't no do a paper that's worth 25% of your grade....).

The best part was spending a full 12 hours listening to Al Geier on Saturday...especially at 2 in the morning when there was only about five of us left...I've never gotten that much out of a discussion before..

Now I really, really, really hope I can go to Grad School...

The coolest thing was how the discussion just went on, people came and left, it had different participants, but the argument (heh, the logos, in Greek) continued on...maybe that's a little like the Great Conversation...maybe

I think that learning is, in part, wonderful because the more you learn, and the more you enjoy it, the more you realize you have left to learn. Maybe that 's what eternity will be like...we will learn, and the more we learn the more we'll like learning, and the more we learn, the more there will be to learn, and so on forever. Further in and further up unto ages of ages.

At one point, I think it was about 1 a.m., when only the few of us were still there (even Reynolds had gone to bed), Dr. Geier told us that we had begun to do philosophy...he said something about wanting to know the truth, and seeking for it just because we wanted to know... I don't know if he was right, and I still don't know the answer to the question we were pursuing (of course), but it's cool. And, heh, I have all of eternity to think about answering the question...maybe someday I will, but if so, there will be a million more. =)

Maybe...They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength, they shall mount up with wings as eagles, they shall think and not be weary, they shall discuss and not faint.

This is hard though: In order to learn, you must want the answer, but, if I'm right (if, I think, Plato is right), we shall never know all the answers. Can I want something, knowing that I'll never actually get there, but will ever get closer? I guess it's the getting closer... I'm pretty sure that there is the temptation to forget the end and enjoy the pursuit so much that you no longer even want to find...but, then it's no longer a pursuit....huh. What were those three "rules" of physics that Dr. Pichaj said?....You can't win. (no new energy), you can't even break even (entropy), and you can't stop (no 0 degees K). In this case...you won't win (you'll never know all), you can get ever closer, and you can't stop. Yeah, entropy can't last forever, Thank God.

Rather than seeing the works of Plato as I do now and thinking that I'll probably never understand what he was saying complete, maybe in Eternity I'll learn enough that I will comprehend The Republic, and then laugh, and work on comprehending something so much greater. =) That's exciting.

Goals....

2009-04-18T12:39:00.000-07:00

So theoretically, writing down goals helps one to achieve them...

Here goes...these are the things that I would like to work to accomplish they don't include things that I would just someday like to happen (for instance, I think being married at some point might be nice, but it's not a goal, I have no plans to hunt, thanks)

1. Run a marathon

2. Read all of the works of St. Augustine.

3. Climb Mt. Whitney

4. Go back to the UK and study further at a University there (Oxford preferably, Cambridge would work too though...or anything in England, Scotland, or Ireland).

5. Teach long enough to become a good teacher (problem, I don't know how to tell when this occurs...oh well)

Note: these aren't in any particular order....

Further note: these are goals that I think I care about enough to actively work toward...there are many more things that I might try to do (get a paralegal certificate, write a book, read War and Peace, read all of Plato's dialogues, live with a group of nuns for a good bit, have children etc. etc.) which I could easily let go of if something else more important came up.....(case in point, I'd like to live with a group of nuns in order to see if I might like to become one, if that happens, I would necessarily have to give up having my own children. Visa versa, if I ever get married and am able to have my own children I shall never be a nun...)

Ok, well, now comes that verse in Proverbs...I've done the first...and yet I beg that God will do the latter:

Proverbs 16:9

A man's heart deviseth his way: but the LORD directeth his steps.

Direct me, O Lord, that I fall not down into the pit.

East, West

2009-04-15T23:02:00.000-07:00

Home's Best...

I'm at home in the West of the US....

but...If "home is where your heart is" then my home is far East of here in Oxford...

I'm at home in the Eastern Orthodox Church...

but...I'm at home with the Western rite liturgy of St. Tikkon...

My priest's blog title sums it up...I'm looking East and West...and longing for each

as far as the East is from the West....so far have I been stretched, and pulled, and split

Donne rode westward while his heart yearned to look east...

As I hope for work here in the West, it is only that I might go East...

Good Friday for the East approaches, while Easter for the West is as its height...As the Catholics have their barbecues on Bright Friday, the Orthodox fast on Good Friday

Is home in the East or in the West? Is it both? Is it neither?

If it is in pardoning that we are pardoned, in giving to all men that we receive, and in dying that we're born to eternal life, is it also in being pulled in two that we become One?

Is it the case that "home's best" only as I'm "East, West?"

There are lots of cute kids at my church. =)

2009-04-03T21:03:00.000-07:00

just look....

This makes me very happy....

Plus there's a very cute one that sleeps in the house I live in!

And the best thing is...when he cries at three in the morning, I can just roll over and go back to sleep. =)

Giving...

2009-03-27T16:15:00.000-07:00

A couple of friends of mine were doing this, and I thought it sounded fun:

The first 3 people who respond to this post will get something made by me (my choice) for you.

This offer does have some restrictions and limitations:
1. What I make could be anything (it could be a craft project; it could be something to eat; it could be a bit of writing)
2. I make no guarantees that you will like what I make.
3. It will be done sometime before I graduate.

The catch is that you must offer to do/give something to your friends. You can choose how many and how to advertise.

Well...I'm pretty sure I have three readers.... This should be one way to actually get a comment!!! =P

Delight

2009-03-22T14:54:00.000-07:00

<> hmmm...I like that word...it's better than joy or pleasure. =) Not because of any connotations, just because it sounds nicer. Maybe I'll name something or someone "Delight"...<>

These are "common" things that have made me very happy over the last few weeks...

...a child laughing with his brother...

...noise of rain...

...a mom pushing a stroller with four little children in it...

...sunrise making all the windows on the hills gold...

...a hopping bird outside commons...

...roses in front of the Jewish church at Santa Gertrudes and Rosecrans...

...the wind in my hair...

...holding sleeping Elijah...

...having the Jesus mural covered for a short time...

...seeing Mom and Nat...

...talking to Katie...

...watching the Reynold's cats parade about the room...

...rain on my face...

...silence at the Lenten Retreat...

...softness of yarn...

...the smile of a runner I happened to pass walking home...

...pictures of Ashleigh's little Simone...

...hearing Kate's, "I'm a sister!"....

...Claire and Emily at church...

...Mrs. Anne Reynold's greeting...

Yes...life is delight...Lord, grant that I might seek True Life.

2009-03-16T21:13:00.000-07:00

"Did Christ or Any of His Apostles Observe Lent? Here is the Truth."

This from an add on my blog....I don't think I've met anyone who says Christ did.....=) Did Jesus celebrate Easter? In one sense, yes, in the very best way possible...in another sense...do you celebrate the holiday when your actions are currently creating it?

Babyboom?

2009-03-16T12:48:00.000-07:00

Since coming back to Biola:

I have seen 4 babies that were born to people I know who were not born before I left.

I have heard of and been around for the births of 2 more babies.

I have heard of 3 more people who are now pregnant....

And these are all just among people that I know fairly well...from church...that I live with...through Biola...they aren't just random baby announcements.

On top of those, I have a niece that was born while I was gone, and a woman from Whittier (whom I'm sure you all have heard of), gave birth to 8 babies very recently; oh, and Dooce is pregnant too...

Now...is this because I'm 22, and know many of my sister's friends who are 4-6 years older, or is it because more babies are being born right now than normal?

Welcome to my brain

2009-03-13T23:01:00.001-07:00

Thanks to wordle...I can make an image of the inside of my head (when working on my thesis anyway):

In the Shadow of That Hideous Strength

2009-03-13T20:47:00.000-07:00

I'm scared...terrified really.

I don't know what happens to countries who kill their children, and I'm afraid to find out. Our culture denies a certain set of people any dignity whatsoever....what if we, as a nation, were conquered and showed the same respect?

"So-and-so is dying...we'll use your heart to save them..."

"I want to experiment with making prosthetic arms...I'll just do a live dissection on you to help me."

"I need a human brain to run these tests properly...I guess yours will do."

These examples almost don't work because they are too other-worldly. Just imagine if no one acknowledged your existence. You stand in line, only to be pushed aside. You ask a question, and the person walks away without even looking in your direction. Someone crashes into you in the street and just throws you aside into the gutter. You can't buy groceries because the clerk won't even look at you. You can't rent an apartment, get a job, or have a reasonable conversation.

Nomoi are very powerful...very, very, very powerful. "God or man, stranger?"

I fear to think what the future brings

...little Elijah, what things will you see before you grow old?

2009-03-11T19:19:00.000-07:00

This has been running through my head: "You act, at the beginning of parties, like we act at the end, but you can still drive us home afterwards." -- Dr. Reynolds friends to him.

It's a pretty nice compliment...basically..."yeah, you don't need beer to have a good time."

This comment along with this post from Matt Jensen has me thinking of lent again. Maybe it is during lent that we learn what we really can do without. It's really easy to get into certain habits, and even if they aren't sinful, it might be better not to be dependent on them. If someone who enjoys beer becomes a teetotaler for lent, he might just learn that, while parties are great with beer, they are also lots of fun without it.

Fasting seems to be a good idea on a number of levels. In addition to running less...I've been simply trying to depend less on certain things that I feel I need throughout the day in order for it to be a good day...like constantly chewing gum for instance...it had gotten to be a habit. However, as it turns out, I can pretty well do with a lot less of it (good to know...as gum is rather expensive =)).

I love how the traditions of the church often end up being so practical as well as beautiful.

Jesus is just weird...

2009-03-06T17:17:00.000-08:00

In translating the gospel of John for my Greek class, I'm struck again and again (and one more time) how completely bizarre Jesus is. Who the heck goes and stands in the middle of Jerusalem during a feast and shouts, "I'm the living water?" Who randomly tells the religious leaders, "you will die in your sins?" This guy really seems crazy (or like he's just trying to get himself killed...), but maybe that's the way it's supposed to be. One doesn't meet the Second person of the Trinity every day....in fact one doesn't meet someone who has seen The Good every day.

Plato was right.....when one who has seen comes down...it doesn't seem, to those who can only see shadows, that he can see at all, or that he has anything to offer. He just seems crazy. They will laugh...then kill.

But if we believe the myth then it will save us...and if we are persuaded that the just life is the happiest (truly persuaded...living justly) then not only will we be saved in the end, but we will also be happy in this life, and enter Heaven directly without the pain of purgatory.

Persuade me, Lord, I'm blind.

Let us begin the fast with Joy.

2009-03-03T13:19:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow is Western Rite Orthodox's Ash Wednesday...

I'm a lot better at trying to take on things than at giving them up. I'd be happy to take on extra prayers to say daily, a book to read on the lives of saints or theology, or some ministry.

However, I shouldn't give up sleep for lent, since I probably don't really get enough as it is, and if I take on very many things that's exactly what I'll do. *sigh*

Or, when I think about things that I could give up, my tendency is to want to give up the wrong things. Like, how about I just go without eating for 40 days? That'll save lots of money and time! Bad idea.... Or I could give up all recreation time...I could just work on school or read my Bible. No...I have too much of a tendency to seclude myself already that would probably not help. It would actually be a better idea to take on spending more time with my friends...but that leads me back to the above problem.

So, as odd as it sounds, and as little as I want to, I'm giving up some of my running miles. I won't run more than three miles before work on weekdays. It will give me more time in the morning that I can spend on Bible reading. It feels lazy to me, but I know that it isn't, really. There is no reason that I have to run a certain number of miles every day, nor is there any reason that that number should increase over time. Although I want it to...and it probably will. However, the fact is that I need more time in the morning if I want to read more...so there go some miles.

I tried it out this morning and yesterday (since, in the Eastern Rite, lent begins on Monday), and it was so hard to stop at three...I wanted to keep going, I wasn't done yet, I'm used to doing more.

Yes, this will probably be a good discipline. Jen Hartenburg has a great post on lenten discipline here: (Bourgeois Baby: A Lenten Physic for Scrupulosity). Those who struggle with trying to have too much restriction and daily tasks end up with non-traditional items on their lists to give up or take on...but the important thing is to do whatever it takes to draw closer to Christ. Therefore, thank God it's Lent, and let us begin the fast with joy, because we draw closer to Him.

But, boy, am I looking forward to Easter when I can run again!!! And that itself is a good thing. =)

Old journals

2009-03-01T14:40:00.000-08:00

It's really odd to encounter ones-self through the pages of old journal entries. Sometimes I find that I laugh at the little things that bothered me, sometimes I grieve again with the little girl I was, sometimes I loathe the fact that such horrid thoughts could have come from me.

I think it's a little like a mirror...and just as scary. This blog title is rather odd for me....in a way. Mirrors have always disturbed me a little (and fascinated me at the same time)... I hate the way that distorted mirrors (like the ones in museums) make you look. It sort of scares me...how do I know that all mirrors don't do that?...how can I possibly know what I really look like? Who am I? Some of the ugliest buildings, I think, are the ones covered in windows that reflect a distorted picture of the world around them. I want things that are solid, to look solid...I want things to look like what they are, not like the things around them. What does a mirror look like?

Journals also give you a little glimpse of yourself...but not quite. I've changed since I wrote old journal posts...I may not have even meant what I was writing...it may have been more influenced by a conversation with someone else than my own thoughts. To what degree am I just a composite of my surroundings? Am I a mirror? Again, what does a mirror look like?

It's bad enough to live in the shadowlands and long for the Heaven reflected therein...must we have mirrors to reflect the shadowlands? If I'm a mirror, I want to reflect Heaven, not the shadows. but how?

Ow...

2009-02-27T16:12:00.000-08:00

Biking is great.... except when you're still getting used to it.

The muscles in my legs adjusted fairly well (although they loudly reminded me for the first week or so that running uses very different muscles than biking...)

What hurts now are what ever muscle lies between the base of my pelvis and the bicycle seat...I think of them as my biking backpack supporting muscles. I still need to figure out how to attach a backpack to a bike-rack with a bungee cord...

Until then...ow, ow, ow

Good News

2009-02-24T13:49:00.000-08:00

I remember asking my parents when I was, oh, around 6 or 7 whether there was any place that had good news instead of bad news. They basically told me that I could try Mars....but there was no such place on Earth...

This idea is continually impressed upon my mind as I process newspapers for the library in the morning. There is always bad news. Someone died, some other business is going bankrupt, some other disaster is about to strike. However, this morning I ran across an article that was a mixture...in a way it's bad news...or it refers to troubling events...but in another way it's encouraging.

The article was about Nadya Suleman, the women who recently gave birth to octuplets, when she had six children at home waiting for her, doesn't have a job or a husband (at least an involved one...). Obviously there are some disturbing facts to this story. However, this article reported that one of the reasons she chose to have the octuplets implanted was because she couldn't stand the thought of destroying the embryos. Now, I'm not saying her decision was a good one. I happen to think that adoption would be a much better choice, both for her own sake and that of her children. However, I'm so happy to hear a story about someone who views a frozen embryo as a living child that cannot simply be destroyed or used for scientific research that I'll almost forgive Suleman of any fault. (Love covers a multitude of sins????)

I have felt a deep foreboding for the last few weeks. I'm not sure where it comes from...it is as if my soul were trembling. But I do know that it grows worse when I think of abortion. My mind can almost not stand the thought of the murders that occur every day in the sterile rooms of clinics across the U.S. May God bless Nadya (and, for that matter, every mother) for giving her children the chance to live. Again, I don't think she did the right thing, but I think that she's absolutely correct about the right of her children to live.

Lord have mercy upon Nadya, Lord have mercy upon the U.S., Lord have mercy upon me.

Observations about Biking

2009-02-17T22:17:00.001-08:00

Rain makes bike transportation much less pleasant...how shall I reconcile my preferred form of transportation with a beloved weather phenomena? kinda like driving in fog....I guess....

Red curbs, which are annoying when parking, are much more welcome when biking. =)

Men's bikes were not made for 5'3" girls.

On that note, it's useful to be able to touch the ground.....

Economics and other things I don't understand...

2009-02-15T16:29:00.000-08:00

I read in the Wall Street Journal that there is more money in this new stimulus plan than the US has spent on the entire Iraq war since 2001. I like to operate with the general assumption that those around me have reasons for what they do...even if I don't agree with their reasons. I just don't get how reasons are even possible here...???

Spending money on a war can actually help an economy...that money goes to US business, providing them with business, and a number of other things. All I can see this money doing is driving up inflation so high that anyone not directly under the flow of this money will no longer be able to buy a loaf of bread. I'm confused. If there is anyone reading this that understand economics better than I...I'd love to be wrong about the seemingly senseless plan of the President.

I tried googling it (the source of all knowledge, right?); I found an article about all the people who will get money from this, and all the tax breaks that people will have. But then it had this paragraph:

One thing about the president's $790 billion stimulus package is certain: It will jack up the federal debt.

Whether or not it succeeds in producing jobs and taming the recession, tomorrow's taxpayers will end up footing the bill.

Forecasters expect the 2009 deficit — for the budget year that began last Oct 1 — to hit $1.6 trillion including new stimulus and bank-bailout spending. That's about three times last year's shortfall.

The torrents of red ink are being fed by rising federal spending and falling tax revenues from hard-hit businesses and individuals.

The national debt — the sum of all annual budget deficits — stands at $10.7 trillion. Or about $36,000 for every man, woman and child in the U.S.

Interest payments alone on the national debt will near $500 billion this year. It's already the fourth-largest federal expenditure, after Medicare-Medicaid, Social Security and defense.

This will affect us all directly for years, as well as our children and possibly grandchildren, in higher taxes and probably reduced government services. It will also force continued government borrowing, increasingly from China, Japan, Britain, Saudi Arabia and other foreign creditors. (to see the rest of the article go here)

I'm utterly confused...why do we want extra tax refunds now if that only means much higher taxes in the years to come? I thought budget deficits were bad things...why does Obama think that increasing this can help? What happened to balancing a budget? Am I crazy, or are the people who think this can help?

2009-02-14T11:23:00.000-08:00

So this is pretty cool: It's John 3-4...randomized....????

The beginning

2009-02-14T10:18:00.000-08:00

Beginnings are strange things.

Sometimes they are purposeful....like starting a new blog.

Sometimes they aren't purposeful; we realize after a time that we have begun something like an exception that becomes the rule.

Sometimes they are easy to define. "I began school at Biola in Fall of 2005."

Sometimes they are nearly impossible to define. "I started philosophizing about the world around me....uh....sometime between 1 and 22...I think...if I'm truly philosophizing...I think I am...but maybe it's something I'll learn to actually do at some point and I'll laugh at myself" you get the picture.

Some things begin over and over and over again. Others only have one beginning.

Some things begin never to end...somethings begin only to end.

All that to say...I'm beginning this blog. =) Someone told me the other day I should...and sometimes I have thoughts that make me say to myself "This would be good to blog about"....so here I am.

This is my looking glass....in it, you can, in a way, see the world as I see it...I think it might be by seeing the world through others' eyes that we begin to see it as it is. We need lots of other eyes.

"But now we see through a glass darkly"

"Objects in this mirror are closer than they appear"

Mirrors have played strange roles in books...Harry Potter, Snow White, Through the Looking-Glass, etc. etc. They show us things that we can't see without them (like our faces, desires, the backwards room, who the most beautiful person is...). However, they also remove us one more step from the actual object. It seems this removal can help us see.

Welcome to my world of counterpane. I am Stacia or Aicats. Living the world and then returning to look back upon it. I pray that my mirror, though presenting an image so far from reality, will help me to eventually gaze upon REALITY.

Lord have mercy, Christ have mercy, Lord have mercy.